The Legend of Zelda: Link's Matriculation
by evie vie
Summary: Link and Zelda attend college. Adventures ensue. Chapter 6 up: Prof. Navi gives a lecture. Are you paying attention, everyone? Listen to me when I’m talking to you! Hey! Listen!
1. The Interview

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend of Zelda or any of the characters thereof. Nintendo owns them. I don't own Nintendo. I do, however, own a Nintendo DS. Yay!_

**I. The Interview**

The elderly Dean of Admissions thought his eyes were starting to go. The awkward kid in the usual badly-fitting navy sportcoat, an ordinary potential freshman in dress, demeanor and all other senses, including the shaggy haircut - was that behind the hair what he though it was?

He glanced down at the interviewee's file. Hm. Well, then. His eyes weren't so bad after all.

"You're from the Lands Beyond, then?" he said kindly.

The kid, who up till now looked like he was about to sink into his chair, breathed a sigh of utter relief. "Um," he started. "So, um, it's - "

"Yes, we've had students from Beyond before. Plenty of them, actually. I rowed with the Prime Minister of Florin back in the day. I'm sure I've got a picture..." He fumbled in his desk. A polite cough brought him back to himself.

"Well, it looks like everything's in order. With a student like yourself, the interview's just a formality. Your King's written you a glowing letter of recommendation... and it says here that you're interested in sports?"

The kid said nothing, but nodded. His hair, which he'd attempted to slick down to no avail, fell in his face and he paused a moment before shoving it behind an ear - a pointy ear.

"Well, if after the career this says you've had already, you're sure this is what you want to do..." The Dean stood and extended his hand to the newly accepted freshman. "Welcome to Segundus University, Link."

_(Cue the Adventuring Theme!)_

**Notes:**

_Matriculation:_The act of being accepted at a college or university. Yes, that's an actual word. An even better word is_defenestration,_ which means the act of throwing, or being thrown, through a window.

I promise, I'll use "defenestration" in a later chapter. It's too good not to use.


	2. Rush Week

**II. Rush Week**

Delta Delta Delta's first rush party was going as planned. Of course it was, with the Trio planning it. It would come off perfectly.

"Perfectly," murmured sorority president Mina Nayru, glancing around the room at the precisely laid out tables of snacks - one low-carb, the other low-fat - and the gold streamers arranged in patterns of interlocking triangles. Poised sisters were already greeting the twittering potential pledges at the door, sizing up their hair and outfits, and, once the freshman in question wasn't looking, making notes in their tiny notebooks. It took some sororities all of Rush Week to decide who was in and who was out, but Delta Delta Delta would know tonight.

"Not a bad crop this year," said vice-president Alyson Farore, coming up beside Mina. "Most of them seem to have learned basic hygiene by now."

"You're evil," Mina said, grinning.

"It's one of my good points. Is Jen around? She's supposed to be handling the diet-soda table."

"She's upstairs," Mina said. "You know how we figured something would be happening tonight? She's making sure something... doesn't happen."

Alyson nodded sagely. "That's good. I was going to mention I thought one of us should - "

Jennifer Din, the sorority's secretary, slowly descended the stairs, half in a daze. "I'm here," she said. "I need to be here."

The other two girls opened their mouths to reply, but suddenly, as if compelled, their head swung toward the door. An ethereal blonde in a pink sweater had walked in the room, smiling - her eyes glanced up at the familiar design above the fireplace, the three triangles arranged to form a larger triangle - her jaw dropped. And the three sisters, the priestesses of the Goddesses, the guardians of the Triforce, wearing their trademark blue, green and red, fell to their knees around her.

The room fell silent. The girl in the pink sweater stared again at the symbol on the wall.

"I guess I'm in?" Princess Zelda of Hyrule said nervously.

**Notes**

Delta Delta Delta is a real sorority, butthe Segundus U. chapter is, obviously, not. Real chapters of the Tri-Delts don't have Elemental Magic Committees and a Ritual Chanting Rota. As far as I know.


	3. The Screaming Weasels

**III. The Screaming Weasels**

"HYAAAAAAAAHHHH!" 

It was the cry of the Hero. Had there been any Moblins or Octoroks in the area, they would have known that cry and frozen in terror. As it was, the squirrels paid little attention.

The Hero dove for and caught the Frisbee, and executed a perfect roll, ending with a quick flick of the wrist - with finely honed aim from years of boomerang practice - that sent the Frisbee through the goal. 

"Wooohoo!" Ben, Link's dorm roommate and captain of Delaney Hall's Ultimate Frisbee team, the Screaming Weasels, did a little victory dance. The Weasels cheered. The other team, the Niblets from Cullen Hall, groaned. "We're in the finals, man!" 

Link raised an eyebrow.

"Well, eventually," Ben added. "I mean, the semester's just starting, but WOOHOO! With you on the team, we are gonna CREAM 'em!"

Link grinned. He picked up his green baseball cap, which had fallen off in his dive for the Frisbee, and tugged it over his messy hair - but not his ears. Segundus U. really did take a lot of foreign students, from all over. In Delaney Hall alone, there were two Middle-Earth elves, a Munchkinlander and a Discworld troll, Mica, who could hardly fit up the stairs. There was actually a Hyrulean Students' Association - he'd have to go to a meeting sometime when he got homesick. Hiding his ears wasn't necessary.

Although he liked his old hat better. Ben had explained on his first day, though, that the hat to wear in college was a baseball cap, and had demonstrated the correct, elaborate way to bend the brim of a new hat so it looked old. College was strange.

Luckily it was also full of things Link was good at. Baseball, for one. If it involved hitting something with a stick, Link was the best. His favorite, though, was Ultimate Frisbee. Just like a really good boss fight - and the best part was, you didn't have to kill anyone.

No horses, though. He missed Epona. 

But all in all, he thought, walking back to the dorm with his laughing buddies, this was great. He wasn't getting shot at with arrows, stabbed with swords, or absorbed by parasites that wanted his shield. No evil sorcerers were about to claim control of Segundus University and then turn into giant pig-monsters.

And he was starting to fit in. Which was all he'd ever wanted.


	4. Party Till You're Kidnapped

**IV. Party Till You're Kidnapped **

"So let me get this straight," said Zelda, unpacking her clothes and laying them on the bed in her new room at the Delta house. All her shirts were pink, with purple trim, or vice versa. "This chapter, of a sorority, which is full of college girls instead of knights or magicians, and which is NOT in Hyrule in any way... was formed to protect the Triforce?" 

"That's about it," Mina said.

"Want to see it? We've got it in a box in the upstairs lounge," Jennifer added.

"Our mothers, and their mothers before them, and back to the founding of the University, have been charged with the protection of the Light Force," Alyson said proudly. "I personally am the Priestess of Farore, Goddess of Wisdom. And the chair of the Social Committee."

"No, Nayru's the Goddess of Wisdom, Farore's the Goddess of Courage," Mina argued. "And you'd better get to work on planning that party with the Gammas, it's supposed to be in two weeks!"

"Well, anyway, I'm the priestess of Din, she's the Goddess of Strength, and you didn't happen to bring the Hero with you when you came here?" Jennifer said. "Only I think that now that you're here, you're probably gonna get kidnapped."

Zelda sighed. Being the Princess of Hyrule, the Sage of Light and rightful wielder of the Triforce had its drawbacks. "Great. I come here to have a normal life, and here's the Triforce again and I'm gonna get kidnapped." She hung up a few more outfits. "Again."

"Well, if it's any help, there aren't any evil sorcerers around that we know of," Alyson said.

"That does make me feel a little better," Zelda said. "What's this about a party?" 

"Alpha Beta Gamma Pajamarama!" the girls chorused. 

"You'll love it," Mina said. "We'll put you on advertising duty. They DID have construction paper and markers at that castle you grew up in, right?"

--

_Meanwhile..._

Steve Carmody cringed. Normally nothing could make the soccer star flinch, much less cringe... but there was just something about the guy's NOSE. The way it was so... prominent. And sharp. It was blocking part of the weak sunlight that was able to get through the blinds, making the dark room even darker. And his voice...

"You WILL report to me the elven boy's every movement in that dormitory," the man behind the desk said, his voice deep, lazy, and... ominous. Steve didn't use big words often, but "ominous" was just about the only way to go with the Dean's voice. "And outside the dormitory, I have my own arrangements... but if you see anything, ANYTHING of interest, I must know immediately."

"Yes, sir," Steve said nervously. When he'd signed up for work-study as the Dean's assistant, he hadn't expected to end up as a spy for evil. "What about the Princess?"

"I already have my sources regarding the Princess," the Dean said, and smiled a snakelike smile. "She will be in my clutches soon. Now run along, boy."

_Oh crap, he said "clutches," _Steve thought. _The guy's a madman. I REALLY wish I'd taken the job at the cafeteria instead. _

What he said was "Yes, sir," and turned and practically ran out the door, heading back to his nice, safe, non-ominous room at Delaney Hall.

In the dim light, Dean Ganondorf grinned. Getting the Triforce was going to be just too easy this time.


	5. She's a Legend

**V. She's a Legend**

It was kind of like that time Ganondorf's minions – or was it that other time, with the wizard? – threw her in the castle dungeon. At least compared to the airy pinkness of the Delta house, the guys' wing of Delaney Hall was a lot like the castle dungeon – dank, clammy stone walls, dust particles floating in whatever light they could find, and a vague smell of something unwashed. Probably socks. Hopefully just socks.

Although the dorm was louder than the dungeon, generally. "No running with swords!" shouted Jay, the RA, as a figure in a green T-shirt barrelled past him, wielding the Master Sword, in a laughing, clanging fake duel with Ben and a piece of pipe. They both stopped dead in front of the girl in purple.

"Uh," said Link, blushing. "I didn't mean…"

"He's just teaching me broadsword fighting," Ben said, taking in Zelda's irritated yet still crystal-blue eyes, and the wisps of hair framing her delicate face. His ears turned bright red. "Yeah. With his sword. And I'm gonna teach him the guitar." The ears couldn't get much redder, but they were trying. Should he bow? Link wasn't bowing. "I'm Ben. You must be the Princess Zelda."

"The legend in person," quipped Zelda. "Link, you have GOT to watch it. Beheading your roommate wouldn't be a good way to start off your freshman year."

"I'm…."

"He's really careful," Ben said.

Zelda ignored Ben. Two weeks in a sorority house had already taught her the finer points of ignoring boys. "Link, can I hang one of these on your door? I'm supposed to just be hanging them up in the girls' wing, but I think it would be great if you and some of the guys could come to the party, too."

She handed him a piece of orange paper. Years of Hylian calligraphy instruction in the royal drawing room had done their work; the words "Alpha Beta Gamma Pajamarama!" were illuminated with traditional Hylian patterns, as well as intricately drawn figures of animals – squirrels, bears, monkeys, unicorns. All of them wearing footie pajamas. A bear had a beer.

She'd dotted the "j" in "Pajamarama" with a little heart, Link noted. He looked up at her. Their eyes met. He nodded.

"GREAT! I can't wait to see you there! Friday, remember! Byeeee!" Zelda chirped, and made for the door and the fresh air of the outside world.

Link went into his and Ben's room and dug around among the scattered video-game cases, magical weapons, and empty pizza boxes until he found the scotch tape. He hung the sign up just above the dry-erase board, then elbowed his roommate, who was still staring at the door from which Zelda had left.

"Wow," Ben murmured. "You never SAID."

Link stared.

"Well, okay. You never say anything. But you SHOULD have said. She's… For once, my friend, I am the one at a loss for words."

"Try," Link said, shortly.

"'Perfect' is pretty close," Ben said. He sighed. "And you're absolutely certain you're not…."

Everyone asked him that. "We're not."

Ben sighed again. "Good."

Link nodded. Good for Ben. Good for Zelda – that is, if she decided to notice Ben's existence at some point. She and Link definitely had a bond, a sort of unspoken understanding, but it was a bond of Fate – she as the Princess, he as her Hero, destined only to protect her. Meaning Link wanted only the best for his royal friend. Really. And Ben was such a good guy. They'd be great together. Yeah. They would. Yeah.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Steve Carmody was on his way back from Dean Ganondorf's office after another session of dastardly plotting (_couldn't the guy just stop saying "clutches"? That word is just freaky,_ he thought) when a stunning blonde in a purple sweater smiled at him, handed him a piece of orange paper and continued on down to the quad.

His heart was lost as he watched the vision walk away.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

3 a.m. on a school night, when every good freshman should be snoring loudly, but Link was up. Slowly, stealthily, he moved toward the mini-fridge. Eased it open, glad there was no light to wake up his roommate.

There was a full 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew on the top shelf. Ben's lifeblood. He couldn't get out of bed without it, couldn't get to class without it, and probably couldn't even form a coherent sentence without it. Link didn't touch the stuff. Until he remembered his roommate's ears turning red –

As he finished off the last swig, Link felt deeply satisfied.


	6. Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey!

**VI. Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen! Hey!**

It was a strange day in Sociology 102. Professor Navi was used to it, though.

"Mister ROSENBERG!" she shouted. The tiny woman's high-pitched voice put one in mind of a six-year-old girl with a megaphone. "Did you hear what I was describing just now?"

"….nargle?"

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?"

Ben lifted his head and stared bleary-eyed at the podium. "….snuh?"

"Because you were ASLEEP?"

A hundred and twenty heads turned to look at Ben, who'd nodded off again.

"If you expect to pass this class…." Prof. Navi paced the lecture dais, and the class sighed – here she goes again…. "You are going to have to LISTEN!" She pounded the podium for emphasis. No one could pound a podium like Navi. The room jumped. Especially Link, who was not holding out well against last night's caffeine onslaught. The shout set him twitching like an electroshock patient.

"If there's one thing I can't emphasize enough, it's that you need to listen! Your grade depends on how well you listen! Everything in your life depends on whether you…." Prof. Navi was off on her "Hey! Listen!" speech again, and since they'd heard it before (and it was only the second week of class), the whole room, ironically, stopped paying attention and went about their own business.

"Dude," muttered Ben, "you could have just said I should back off Zelda. You didn't have to drink my Dew."

"What about Zelda? Nothing about Zelda. I don't know what you're talking about."

That woke Ben up. "Wow! That's the longest sentence I've ever heard you say! It's gotta be the caffeine."

"No, Zelda's all yours. Yeah. You and Zelda. Yeah. Go ahead and ruin my life." Link's leg was jiggling. "Wait. Did I just say that?" He put his head in his shaking hands. "Goddesses, forgive me…."

"Hey!" said Ben, delighted out of his stupor. "You admitted it! Good for you! I'm proud of you, hero-guy!"

"But… she's the Princess, and I'm…."

"You're the good-looking blond guy with the sword who always rescues her. Who cares who your parents are? You're destined, man. DESTINED."

"I am," said Link, morosely. "I just don't know for what."

"What's that supposed to…"

"CLASS DISMISSED!" belted the professor. Then her voice cut through the chatter and rustle of a roomful of freshman fleeing class. "Except you, Link. I need to talk to you."

Startled, Link made his way down to the professor. She came up to about his waist, and was wearing a neat pale-pink suit that went well with her wings (good tailoring is hard to find when you're a fairy). She seemed much less strident in person.

"Hello, Link," she said kindly. "I hope you're enjoying your first semester. I just wanted to let you know that the Dean of Students has appointed me your academic advisor, and… Who's this guy?" She scrutinized Ben, who was still swaying from lack of morning stimulant. "What's he doing here? The Hero's not supposed to have a sidekick."

"He's not my sidekick, he's my roommate," Link said. "And my friend. Anything you have to tell me, you can tell him."

Navi stared. "You're more talkative than I've heard."

"Mountain Dew," said Ben.

"Oh, then that makes sense. In any case… Link, a dark force is rising on campus. The Council of Deans has felt it…"

(_Ah crud, not again,_ Link thought…)

"…and we fear it's centering upon the Guardians of the Triforce…."

Link nearly jumped. "The Triforce is HERE?"

Navi stared, surprised. "Didn't Zelda tell you?"

* * *

"Gather," said Dean Ganondorf. "Gather, my minions…."

(_"What's a minion?"_ Jim C. muttered to Dave A.)

The men of Zeta Alpha Psi, wearing hooded black robes, stood in the darkened room, inside a wide circle of red candlelight. ZAP pledge Steve Carmody glanced nervously at the hem of his robe, making sure it didn't catch on fire. The Dean stood in the center, arms raised in the eerie glow. If there was any man who could make a simple tweed jacket into a garment of evil, it was Dean Ganondorf.

(_"I think it's like a vegetable or something,"_ Dave whispered to Jim.)

"The guardians of the Triforce do not suspect us," Ganondorf hissed. "We move among them, unnoticed, our intentions hidden. Until… TONIGHT! Tonight we will TAKE the Triforce!"

(_"Would you guys shut up? That joke has been way overdone,"_ Steve hissed to his frat brothers.)

"And with it, we will take the Princess Zelda!" The dean-slash-evil sorcerer held his arms apart; between them was a shimmering image of a smiling blonde girl in a cardigan. The same girl who'd been handing out fliers on the quad.

Steve went white.


End file.
